Blog
5 Signs You May Be Displacing Past Trauma Onto Your Partner
Picture this. You’re arguing with your partner about something relatively minor. You’ve made a mistake and now things are escalating. You forgot to get the milk she asked you to pick up. You said you were going to plan a date night and then double booked something...
How Do We Stop Projecting & Start Owning Our Mistakes?
In my last blog, How Can You Tell If You Or Your Partner Are Projecting?, we discussed the telltale signs of the defense mechanism of “projection,” when someone projects their own feelings onto others or shifts blame from themselves onto someone else. We also...
How Can You Tell If You Or Your Partner Are Projecting?
As human beings, we are often more complex than we realize. Our minds and hearts are intricately woven together, forming the tapestry of our experiences, beliefs, and emotions. In relationships, these threads can sometimes become tangled, leading us to see our...
5 Tips For Breaking The Overfunctioning/ Underfunctioning Cycle In Relationships
In my last blog- Do You Overfunction Or Underfunction In Relationships - I outlined a common relationship dynamic that can cause distress in relationships in the long run. Overfunctioners often take on responsibilities that are not theirs to take on, or they try to...
10 Signs That Someone You Love Has Severe Attachment Wounding
If you’re trying to love someone with a significant trauma history, you’ve probably noticed that it’s not always easy on you- the relatively safe attachment figure. It’s nobody’s fault. Trauma begets trauma, and all trauma deserves our compassion. But it is helpful to...
Why I Won’t Keep My Mouth Shut About Politics Right Now
Having watched the entire Democratic National Convention, I woke up the day after Kamala Harris’s inspiringly patriotic nomination acceptance speech finding it hard to understand how we have anything close to a neck-in-neck race for this presidency. It’s hard to...
Do You Overfunction or Underfunction In Relationships?
While few people name the pattern, we’ve all seen couples where one person overfunctions, and the other person underfunctions. What do we mean by “functioning?” Dr. Will Meek defined it as “our ability to manage life (make decisions, manage time and stress, etc); to...
Is Your Medical Problem Really A Marital Problem?
*My partner Jeffrey Rediger, MD, MDiv was supposed to be delivering a TEDx talk about the topic of our next book together last week, but the tech outage that disrupted flights for days made it impossible for him to get there. So...because it was an idea worth...
Is Conflict Avoidance Making You Violate Your Integrity?
I’m preparing curriculum right now for a weekend Zoom workshop I’m teaching in September with my partner Jeff Rediger, called Healing Attachment Wounds In Relationship. The workshop is intended to support those who are more securely attached and trying to love someone...