You know the drill. You go to the person who hurt you. You say “When you did x, y, and z, I felt hurt, abandoned, neglected, tortured, betrayed, enraged, devastated, disappointed, misunderstood, invisible, [fill in your emotion.]” The other person either cuts you...
On Monday, August 11, we’ll be teaching our LOVE SCHOOL participants how to do peer to peer parts processing with Internal Family Systems, as a way to deepen your personal self-help practice of IFS, either on your own, with peer support, or between IFS therapy...
In intimate relationships, agreements are sacred. They are not just logistical understandings; they are expressions of mutual respect, shared values, and equal power. When two people come to an agreement, especially about something emotionally charged or...
Many spiritual teachings, self-help messages, and therapies focus on forgiveness as either a spiritual virtue or a way of freeing ourselves from seething resentment and freeing others from the bitterness of our judgments. Forgiveness is viewed as a noble act of...
We had an agreement, my partner and I. I would sacrifice spending Thanksgiving with my family to be with him and our friends in Boston. In exchange, he would spend Christmas in California with my family. That Thanksgiving in 2023 was our first holiday together,...
There’s a moment in every healing journey when we meet the parts of ourselves that are armored up so tight, we can hardly breathe. Therapy is hard enough when we’re focusing on all the ways we’ve been victimized by the people who have hurt us. But it’ll knock the...
Let’s be honest. Trauma survivors don’t always behave well. Even if they’re trauma symptom is people-pleasing niceness, that usually rides shotgun with passive aggressive resentment and punishing behaviors that result from poor boundaries and over-giving. But...
In You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For (& You Still Need Others), Part 1, I hopefully made the case for why it’s a set up for failure when we expect our intimate loved ones to take responsibility for being the primary caregiver of nurturing comfort,...