Like almost everyone else I know, I loved Liz Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love. I read it right after I blew up my own life by quitting my stable job as a doctor to pursue an unknown life of God knows what, and I wanted to be Liz Gilbert. I hadn’t published any books of...
When I first learned about the idea of “spiritual bypassing,” it was shattering to my parts. I felt busted, lost, ashamed, scared, embarrassed, and deflated. Here I thought I was an advanced spiritual being, capable of loving even the most intolerable asshats on...
In Part 1 of this series, we explored how, to use IFS language, our “parts” can trick us into thinking we’re being guided by intuition or spirit, when really, our parts have an agenda they’re trying to disguise. I promised to offer some guidance on discerning the...
I was talking to a friend who gave me permission to share her story in my upcoming book Relationsick about how over-giving, fawning, and people pleasing to an extreme degree led to depletion, burnout, and cancer. I had shared a book with her about how to discover...
In this week’s LOVE SCHOOL, one of our students raised her hand and asked for help letting go of the rage she felt towards her ex. She’d been looping stories of how she’d been victimized by her ex and was terrified of even thinking of getting into another...
Many spiritual teachings, self-help messages, and therapies focus on forgiveness as either a spiritual virtue or a way of freeing ourselves from seething resentment and freeing others from the bitterness of our judgments. Forgiveness is viewed as a noble act of...
I’m new to Sonoma County and actively in pursuit of new friends, new community, and a new sense of belonging. After 17 years of feeling very embedded in my beloved Muir Beach, I feel oddly vulnerable in a town where I barely know anyone. With my new empty...
As I explained in my blog about IFS-informed Dating and Dating The Day Democracy Died, I learned a ton about myself and my own parts by going on about thirty first dates before I wound up with my current partner Jeffrey Rediger, who I met at a trauma conference we...