I just had lunch with one of my inner circle girlfriends, and I confessed to her that my goal for 2013 is to stop resisting communion with the Divine. The conversation that ensued helped me clarify and articulate the challenge I’ve faced in my spiritual journey. I’m sure some of you are leaps and bounds ahead of me in your own spiritual evolution, so I’m putting this out as a call to the Universe (and you!) for guidance around dealing with this resistance.

What exactly do I mean? Let me give you an example of how this sometimes goes down.

Writing Mind Over Medicine

As I described in this post, I didn’t write most of Mind Over Medicine. My intention was to make myself a vessel and allow the Divine to write it using my flesh-and-blood fingers on a computer keyboard.

When writing the book, I would do my sitting meditation, plunk myself down at the computer, and try to get my ego (I call her Victoria Rochester out of the way so the Divine could use me.  Then the words would come out.

At the end of a long day of writing, I’d look back on what I’d write as if I’d just come out of a trance, and sometimes, I couldn’t even remember writing what I had just written. It was like I was reading it for the first time.

Then the voices in my head would kick in.

The Banter

Victoria Rochester: OMG, I’m so special! La di da, I’m channeling!

Inner Pilot Light: Oh darling (pats Victoria on the head), don’t you understand that you SO did not write that?

Victoria Rochester: Me me me me me…

Inner Pilot Light (shakes head, feeling hopeless): No sweetheart. God. Not you.

The Tantrum

What sometimes followed was Victoria throwing a full-blown tantrum that manifested as a physiological freakout. My body would shake. I’d feel like I was crawling out of my skin. And the only way I could soothe myself was to curl up in a ball, lie on the floor, and rock myself.

The first few times this happened, I had no clue what was happening. (God bless Tricia Barrett and Elisabeth Manning for nursing me through.) But over time, I came to realize that I was having some sort of ego meltdown, that Victoria was resisting the notion of me being God embodied, wanting to believe instead that I am separate, individual, unique, that I am Victoria, not universal Divine consciousness working through a human body.

I did some somatic therapy with Steve Sisgold, author of What’s Your Body Telling You, to help my body catch up with the higher vibration at which I’m trying to operate. It helped the somatic freakout, but Victoria still runs amok at times.

Calling In The Animals

My body behaved better, but a similar Victoria vs. Inner Pilot Light conversation went down when I called in the whales, the dolphins, the coyotes, and a dog and a cat who had run away (you can read about how I applied Martha Beck’s 4 Technologies of Magic in order to do this here).

In the moment of communing with the spirits of the animals, the feeling of universal connection, the unbridled joy of knowing we are ALL ONE, not separate individual consciousness, but shared collective consciousness, was so magical, so yummy, so ecstatic and wondrous and filled with awe. It was – for lack of a better word – nirvana.

And then Victoria shows up with her spiritual arrogance and tries to convince me that I’m different, special, unique, that I’m somehow “chosen” – which of course negates the truth of the Oneness and is total BS.

Bending Spoons & Whispering To Horses

I noticed less resistance when I finally learned to bend silverware (as I wrote about here) and energetically whispered to the horses at Martha Beck’s ranch (which you can read about here). Victoria tried to get all “Check me out! I’m bending spoons and telepathically communicating with horses!”

But this time, the voice of my Inner Pilot Light was stronger. My body felt calm. My Inner Pilot Light soothed Victoria. The evidence was building – this kind of spiritual magic is SO not about me. I had more peace about the whole thing, but then I resisted.

The Resistance

It’s becoming increasingly clear that one of my most important jobs in 2013 is to finally release all resistance to direct communication with Divine consciousness, to truly surrender, lovingly send Victoria to time out, and allow myself to be fully used  in service to healing health care and whatever else Divine consciousness chooses to use me for.

But this is easier said than done because doing so means letting go of the illusion of myself as someone separate from the whales, the spoons, all the other humans on earth, and the Divine. It’s an ego-death – a knife in the heart of Victoria, who, like a wounded animal, is resisting with every fiber of her being the act of truly surrendering.

How does this resistance show up? Victoria has her tricks. But when I resist, when I listen to this nonsense Victoria spews, the magic stops. I disconnect. Victoria wins, and my Inner Pilot Light is sad.

How I Lower My Vibration 

I engage in self-sabotaging behaviors that make me feel smaller, less expansive, less in touch with Divine consciousness. I hang out with lower vibration people. Or I drink wine. Or I let myself veer out of alignment with pure integrity.

Why do I do this? That’s what I’m examining. I think it’s two-fold. In part, I lower my vibration because it feels more comfortable than operating at a higher vibration, which while it feels great, feels new and sometimes very scary. Lowering my vibration returns me to my comfort zone.

I’ve also just gained awareness that I lower my vibration out of fear. The more I lean into my spiritual growth, the more distance it tends to create between me and those who don’t really resonate with me when I’m operating at that higher vibration. I think I’m afraid of losing people I’ve known for a long time, those who aren’t necessarily familiar with what it means to operate at a higher vibration and who feel disconnected or even threatened by me when I do.

I’m still such a relative spiritual seeker newbie that I haven’t quite learned how to hold my faith when in the midst of fear-based individuals. So I isolate. And that gets interpreted as rejection or arrogance, which isn’t how I want to operate. Obviously, true spiritual masters can completely hold their spiritual center even when surrounded by fear-based people. Me, not so much yet. I’m learning. But I tend to lose my center. The muscle that allows me to keep my center regardless of how much fear surrounds me is something I’m working on.

I was blessed to have breakfast this week in Lake Tahoe with spiritual teacher Craig Hamilton, who has a whole module in his upcoming 9-week spiritual evolution teleseminar series about how to navigate marrying your own spiritual growth with the other people in your life, especially when they’re not growing with you. (If you’re curious about Craig’s work, register here for a free teleseminar he’s leading: Activating the Impulse of Evolution:The Simple & Radical Shift That Can Liberate You From The Patterns Of The Past & Unlock The Door To An Authentic, Enlightened Life, which will be presented this Thursday, March 14th.)

Avoiding Spiritual Arrogance

Even as I read back over what I’ve just written, I’m aware of something I see in spiritual communities – this tendency to get all “superior” when talking about others who aren’t as “spiritual.” We are all One. We are all equal. Nobody is better or worse than or even more or less evolved. We all are right where we’re supposed to be in our spiritual evolution.

But because I’m still trying to find and keep my center, there are some people who lift my vibration, while there are others who lower it. And that’s what I’m trying to learn how to navigate. Again, wisdom is welcome! 

My Year Of Non-Resistance

I’m aware of these patterns, and sharing them with you feels vulnerable, but it’s what’s true for me, and I’ve always shared with you what is true for me.

The resistance has lessened in the past two years. But there’s still lingering resistance that shows up in the ways in which I make myself small, which appeases Victoria and leaves me feeling comfortable – but glumly disconnected.

Today, I told my friend I’m ready to draw the line in the sand, to fully trust, to Divinely surrender, to release the resistance, to make myself a vessel, to quiet Victoria, to amplify my Inner Pilot Light, to invite the magic in, not just sometimes, but as often as my flawed human self can allow. She promised to witness my vow, and now, as I vowed to her and asked for Divine support in honoring my vow, I’m also vowing to you, my readers. Please hold me accountable to this. Prayers are welcome, as is guidance, so please, wise ones who no longer resist and have avoided the tendency towards spiritual arrogance that plagues some, tell what you’ve learned. 

Do You Resist Divine Communion?

Are you willing to fully surrender? Or do you resist like I do?

Please share your stories and any wisdom you think might help me and others with a tendency to resist the magic.

Releasing resistance (I hope),

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  1. Amelia

    I was just thinking about the metaphor of “time out.” Maybe instead of time out, VR needs some Positive Discipline? Some “connect before you correct?” 🙂

  2. Lisa Dugdale

    Wow – that is so very much what I am experiencing right now – thank
    you. It doesn’t make ‘sense’ – it is such a blissful place to be when you are
    in that space – why would we sabotage that? But it makes sense when you think
    about the purpose of the ego- to protect us from harm. Or at least it thinks
    that is what it is doing. Mine talks me out of doing spiritual practice /being
    wordless ALL the time. It also tells me I am arrogant to think that what I am
    doing comes from the divine, and I should go back to being normal like everyone


  3. Elizabeth Wonson

    Many pieces of this post resonate with me …and then many I just skip over. As I reflect on my reaction, I would have to say “there is the resistance”. In terms of what I’m personally doing for my self-acceptance in this area are: 1. Working with Koelle Simpson as part of my Equus Coach training on the tape my brain likes to run “Who the hell am I to….” 2. Participating in hypnotherapy with Dr. Mary Kay Stenger to release those subconscious or cellular learnings that bind me 3. To continue to embrace myself as I engage in this process and take a second look at things I reject immediately to understand if it is “resistance” 4. To use something shared with me that I call “stop, rewind, delete” to help build awareness and release negative self-created messages. All a process. All a journey.

    Thanks for posting.

    P.S. I believe I may be going to be assisting with horses at an upcoming session you are doing. I am looking forward to it.

    • Lissa_Rankin

      Ooh- are you going to be at the MD training I’m doing with Koelle and Martha? How wonderful Elizabeth! Thanks for sharing what’s helping you…

  4. SarahLawrenceHinson

    While having me empathize you also made me laugh really hard – definitely a gift!
    I have finally found a spiritual methodology that helps lower my resistance to regular practice (Akashic Records Work) and gives me that ‘I’ve just been to a spiritual workshop feeling’ for a long time afterwards, so I’m inclined to keep up the practice.
    That is fascinating to me that ‘Victoria’ kicks in for you after the writing, Lissa. Better than if it happened beforehand – at least the work is done.
    When I first started doing energy work, my ego voice (will need to think of a name for that part of me) would kick in as I was working with clients. “What ARE you doing you stupid girl, you’re just waving your hands around and hoping something will happen, you can’t do this, etc. etc. all through a session, most of which are 1 hour sessions). That’s a lot of internal dialogue. I chose to ignore the voice, even though I heard it. Clients would then thank me for a great session, get good results and I would feel validated, at least for a little while.
    The voice no longer appears during sessions or readings…but sometimes beforehand. I do my best to thank it for helping and trying to keep me safe – and move on.
    I totally get the self-sabotage and lowering of vibration. I know when I do it, still figuring out why, I do believe some of the self-sabotaging behavior that I engage in has to do with self-preservation in modern society. I believe that we live in a world where we can’t continuously be in our high vibration place all the time…not yet, anyway, and maybe not in our lifetimes, who knows. I don’t burn that bright yet, but I’m working on it! IMHO Yogis, Gurus and Tibetan Lamas do…blessings to them for holding the light up for all to see.
    I know you’ll keep burnin’ on and as the resonance grows, the fear will clear. Many of us on the planet are working on it too!
    Thanks for the great post.
    Love n light

  5. jennifer

    Thank you Lissa for you candid posts. It helps to know that we are not alone and that many of us are going through similar experiences. I don’t have much wisdom to offer you at this point. Just my gratitude.

  6. Guest

    I’m with you!!! I’m done resisting as well. Bring it God! I’ll bring it also!

  7. Guest

    Leave a message…

  8. Shoba Satya

    So interesting to receive your mirroring Lissa. Resistance to the divine…experiencing “Her Majesty”, as my partner likes to call Her, has been my big heart brake and puzzle lately too. (My partner likes to put her self in magnificent environments, like the grand canyon, to absorb the divine.)

    In meditation I flat line when the divine comes for a visit. I have to wake up a whole part of my being that I know is here; it’s just in a room that I have no conscious access to right now. And so much heart brake is piled up against the door. I just have to build the bridge to it by KNOWING it’s here and knowing when I contact it it will heal me. Unfortunately the Victoria Rochesters in us know it too, and know their control is over it we do make that contact. (I call my VR “Sabotage” – said in a French accent)

    I just started reading The Tools by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels. I think it is starting to help me.

  9. Diane

    Hi Lissa- Thanks for sharing deeply. It means the world to me.
    Can blogging be a devine act of spirituality? Sometimes it just feels like dodging something else in my life that makes me feel more uncomfortable. Other times it feels like the biggest moment of vulnerability…hmmmm?? Maybe the devine act of spirituality is having the wisdom to know the difference. BTW….your blogging has shifted the way I share and has added tons to my passion for connection in this world.

    • Lissa_Rankin

      Good questions Diane! And I’m glad my blog has inspired you to write your truth in whatever way is divinely YOU.
      Much love

  10. ADiening

    I had a similar type of ego meltdown this weekend. Family dinner’s are usually my trigger zone where I seem unable to not simmer and listen to the stream of negative thoughts that go through my head regarding my sister-in-law. But after doing a full day Byron Katie workshop, I realized I was the problem not my sister-in-law. That night at a family dinner I just couldn’t find truth in any if the words bombarding my head. It was so mentally peaceful I could cry. But my body decided to course between a 5-8 level of intense anxiety through my body. (0=calm, 10=panic attack). I just observed this strange sensation coursing through the front of my body and went about my night. It didn’t let up until I woke up in the morning the next day. I was not sure what it even was but it sounds similar to your ego melt down! Thank you for sharing all learning!! The other thing I relate with is the isolation thing. It’s hard to relate the same way with people you used to. Seems part of the cards. One of thing you wrote that I question is the use of high or low frequency people. I know what you mean but it sounds referential to a caste system. Maybe better wording is just people you find easy to be around or people that are hard to be around. That references your direct experience because can you ever really know that different people are actually vibrating at different frequencies? I love your Ted talk and everything I’ve heard you write so far!!

    • Lissa_Rankin

      Good point, Alana. There’s that damn spiritual arrogance showing up from Victoria again! I’ll go in and change it to “fear-based thinkers” vs. “faith-based thinkers” or something like that….

      • ADiening

        🙂 !!!

  11. Mary Preston

    Thank you, Lissa, for putting into words something I think I have been feeling recently as well. My big New Year’s Goal for this year was to be more spiritual. I left it vague because I wasn’t sure exactly what that would mean. In January and February I was on this emotional high, eating amazingly well and working on my calling to be a life coach and updating my website and my relationship getting better… and then in the beginning of March I completely shut down. I ate poorly. Not just food that is delicious that I missed. I don’t deprive myself like that. It was food that I knew would make me feel ill afterwards, full of gluten, I drank beer and wine and then this weekend was a repeat. I always struggle with why I choose this for myself. It is a common cycle for me, although it has become less often. I wonder now if my ego was kicking in, telling me how great I was for making my life so great, when really things were going better because I was giving up control. I was relaxed, allowing things to happen as they wanted. I think now my ego (who is not named, but looks and acts like Yu Shu Lien, the beautiful ninja warrior/goddess from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon) snuck in and grabbed hold. You’ve given me something to journal about tonight, thankyou.

  12. Janet

    Great post as usual 🙂
    I don’t usually comment yet the timing of this topic feels a little too close for coincidence. I just recently experienced a retreat put on by a very good friend of mine Joanne Johnson. It opened all of this up for me in the neatest way. Joanne keeps a fairly low profile, however, if you are interested you can track her down on Facebook (Joanne J Johnson). She holds her retreats in Canmore, Canada and Kauai.

  13. Katherine

    I wrote a whole post/response and it got inhaled, somehow, by cyberspace. So, as I’m keeping up with others’ posts, I have this thought: I wonder if the ego meltdown that you and ADiening were talking about (with all its attendant physical responses) is the body’s version of upgrading your physiological system to a higher frequency?

    I really resonated with the “resistance to communion with the Divine” piece. It’s like I have this little, extremely active chipmunk that chatters and flits about the opening to my Divine connection, in full-on high pitched voice, saying, “Hurry up! I don’t have time to do this! I’m making it all up, anyway! What if I AM making it all up? Quick! Get out of your own way! How do I know I’m OUT of my own way?”

    I think he’s a Gemini. And that I just need to sit down.

    Because every time I inhabit my center, it’s All Good. Of course the big laugh is that’s exactly what I teach. Embodying center. Inhabiting joyful inner authority. So…that’s what I’m always practicing! Sometimes I just need to send the chipmunk scurrying up the tree outside my window. 🙂

    As Elizabeth Wonson said, “It’s all a journey.”

  14. Kae Bender

    Please, Lisa, don’t banish your ego! What you’re going through is just a socialized barrier of confusion. This is an error too many “spiritual” guides recommend to seekers, and it makes it SO difficult to embrace your oneness. Your ego is actually a signal of your unique strengths and talents. It isn’t that you need to destroy that ego/Victoria part of you to become your most “enlightened” self. You are already that enlightened self at core.

    What your Victoria ego has been trained to misunderstand is her essential unity with the entirety. We are socialized to believe, especially if trained in religious practices, that we are “just” human and that some anthropomorphic God-being is out there overseeing our existence. From this perspective, we are insignificant and incapable of creating reality and must rely on the more special go-betweens to interpret for us any concepts or capacities beyond our human capabilities to perceive.

    So if by intention or chance we become able to perceive what we couldn’t before, our ego of course is impressed with our specialness. It is special because we’ve been socialized to think it must be. Victoria just needs to be re-educated. Everyone is equally special; everyone who chooses can exceed the socialized limits, it just takes awareness.

    But beyond Victoria’s socialized incompetence at direct spiritual connection, she has many special and unique abilities and traits that you would be foolish to reject or ignore. Every part of your being represents a special and unique portion of your essence, but to allow any one portion to dominate and control limits the other special and unique portions. So what Victoria needs to learn is that it isn’t any of it me-me-me but it is always that Royal WE of the Entirety, of which one portion is Victoria (and other portions are Inner Pilot and whatever other inner voices and perspectives are embodied within Lisa).

    Ego Victoria is essential to the FULLfillment of Lisa’s life. She is an integral part of your wholeness. The crucial step you need to take is to make sure she isn’t dominating but that you are managing her intergration into all you do so that she is appropriately sharing in your living creation.

    Like any habit, Victoria’s mistaken perception merely needs to be replaced with a better understanding: she, like the other parts embodied in Lisa, is an integral contributor to FULLfilling Lisa’s life contribution to humanity, the earth, and the Entirety. Without Victoria, Lisa can’t be whole. THAT should soothe the ego. 🙂

    And once you’ve integrated the various disparate parts of Lisa, then you’re ready to integrate Lisa into a larger CommonUnity to synergize even more of your Infinite Potential. Or so I theorize in Living CommonUnity. http://www.livingcommonunity.com/

    • Lissa_Rankin

      This is so helpful. I really really appreciate this guidance. I think I need to read it a few times…

      With gratitude,
      Lissa & Victoria

      • Kae Bender

        Lissa — I’m SO sorry I misspelled your name. I know how important selection and spelling are to self-identity and integration. I’ll be more careful next time! Kae

  15. disqus_1GqAeMYnjB

    Lissa, your honesty and vulnerability touch me so deeply – in all of your posts. Thank you for sharing your experiences – the good, the bad and the ugly! Your inner pilot light is helping to light the way for all of us and reminds me to keep it real. (FYI, check out “Escape Fire: The Fight to Rescue the American Healthcare System – it was on CNN all day yesterday. I think it could be of interest to you.)

    • Lissa_Rankin

      I’ve seen Escape Fire- wonderful, isn’t it? And scary…

  16. Cecilia

    Lissa… I will try not to make this a huge post, because I’m hoping you can reply to it. I have to say, you are the first person EVER to have talked about this specific struggle that I too have been facing deeply for the past two and a half years. I wasn’t even sure, although I suspected, that someone also felt this way, apart from me. It’s probably not identical, but maybe my pain will have something in common with yours.

    I’m 26 years old. Ever since I can remember (and I can remember being very little) I have never felt grounded on this earth, nor have I ever felt a strong sense of self. The feeling I often get is as if I am dissolved into the environment, unsure about the circumference that provides a boundary between myself and everything else that surrounds me. It’s as if my cells are all dispersed and diluted in space. This feeling is horrifying in a way that I can’t even explain. Some years ago a somewhat grounding and structuring force started developing within me. I started building what I think was a healthy sense of individuality and feeling more balanced and in tune with a deeper self. I could identify my distinct energy and everyone else’s in a clearer way. Just when I was starting to relax into it, I read something Eckhart Tolle had written, and started watching his videos on youtube. All the horror associated with not feeling a sense of self was triggered and I felt desperate, thinking that somehow I would dissolve into space at any second. I felt as if this man was saying that everything that I have ever loved and cherished in this life is an illusion – I interpreted it as some sort of nihilism. I started obsessing about him and his videos and fell into the most excruciating pain, quickly losing my will to live. I think that what I feared the most was that, if we’re all One, then the special connections I have to people in my life are irrelevant, as is everything that is a part of my personal story. Eckhart Tolle associates the past and “our story” with pain, yet I use my past often to comfort myself and feel love and gratitude towards life; I use my story as a way to make my present life more meaningful.

    Everybody seems to love the “we are all One” notion, so I clearly was misinterpreting something here. I remember having that idea, that we are all One, from long ago and being very ok with it. The biggest discovery for me in this lifetime was the opposite one: that we are also all unique individuals, unique and irreplaceable expressions of God. I feel I have come to this earth to learn and enjoy being me, a solid and defined soul that, although connected and part of a larger and infinite Whole, is also a unique whole within itself. Why can’t these two realities coexist? Why do we have to give up being unique in order to merge with all there is? Aren’t we supposed to be, in a paradoxical way, both individual and collective? In a
    perfect universe, I think we would.

    All of us, as human beings, have that deep, primal longing to connect with other beings, to belong to something bigger than our small and isolated selves. This is true of everyone. If all started as primal ooze, then why did we ever leave it? What kind of cruel universe would we be in if we detached from God to be painfully born into a
    finite and separate body only to realize that we are supposed to go back into the ooze exactly the way we left it? I hope it isn’t so. I hope this was all supposed to happen this way.

    I think we were very, very, very brave to have agreed to be born as a soul, an individual one, to have started a huge and startling adventure across the universe with all the inherent risks and no end at sight. And I think we did it for a reason – so that we could also be individual gods, each of us equally precious and unique. We never stopped being a part of God, we never stopped being One with all there is, but now there was an added reality – we were created, we were a multitude of universes within the Universe.

    It seems to me that this particular moment in time in this planet is when we realize that we’re the great, big, Universe itself, that every being is connected to us in every way. That being said I sincerely and with all my heart hope that it doesn’t mean that we have to give up that uniqueness that our courageous journey has granted us. I think it’s ok to feel proud about who we are. Not better in any way, but specific. Without one of us, the Whole would not be the same. The notion of letting go of self and embracing the Whole not only scares me but also saddens me deeply. And although part of this is my hopeless ego, I think another part of this is my wise inner
    pilot light whispering to me “yes, you are your own self and that’s a beautiful thing, and this temporary feeling of separateness is here for a noble reason, all in the name of beauty and love – trust your own instincts.” The thing is, although I’m deeply trying to heal and heading toward this direction, I keep reading things, like this post, that make it all seem to fall apart once again. I am confused.

    What do you think about all this? Do you even mean what I interpreted that you meant? That we never were individual souls? That the notion is mere illusion? Do you understand my dilemma?

    It’s the first time I’ve ever written about all this and I am feeling a sort of relief just
    writing about it. Thank you for sharing your pain and vulnerability on this subject, it has meant the world to me.

  17. Margaret Jacobson

    Hi Lissa. Truly and enjoyable blog post. I don’t think we lose the resistance, we just maybe learn to have more awareness for it, more compassion for it and more understanding of it as well. Invite your lovely Victoria in always. Greet her like you would a guest and also let her know when she can have a seat in the parlor and wait or when she is welcome into dine and have tea with you. From personal experience, professional experience and education, I know that when we push the Victorias of our world away, the come kicking and screaming back like a child being ignored. Love her and tend to her…play with that. See what happens.

    She is also a sign that you are learning a deeper sense of humility. The Hawaiian word Ha’ aha’ a – Humility to be expressed with modesty. The energetic quality of Ha’ aha’ a is this really exhilerating and also calm and peaceful quality. Check into that as well. You might find that interesting.

    One other thing. Remember, our evolution is not personal. That means that sometimes we outgrow relationships. It may be a death and bring sadness that washes or even courses through you, but know that with the ending of a relationship, that you have also reclaimed back one of your sacred fragments that you lost upon your birth into this life. You are stronger for it. Not everyone stays with us through our entire life’s journey.

    You are beautiful in your vulnerability. Thank you for finding that deep courage to share this with your audience. – Margaret Jacobson, The Mother Rising

  18. Cecilia

    I’ve just written a huge post about my inner struggle, and suddenly felt the need to tell you something about yours… Yes, you have channeled, and yes, you aren’t better than anyone else for doing so. We are all equally valuable, all true. But it was you who channeled that specific book, not me, not anyone else. Other people will channel other subjects, or the same subject, but Always and necessarily on a different light. Thank goodness for your own, specific way of channeling content from the divine and sharing it for the world to read. I love your particular way of writing, so articulate, so aesthetic and yet so open and emotional. No one else writes quite the way you do. And yet other people write in an equally beautiful way, just not in yours. Do you understand what I’m trying to say? And that way of writing and the particular subject you are writing about didn’t just happen because the Universe or God chose you randomly to be a vessel, and I know that you know that. It was your life, your painful past experiences that you alone endured, your specific father and mother, your specific elementary school teacher, your specific pet squirrels, and so on that shaped you in a way that made you ripe for that particular phenomenon to occur. Why not feel proud about it? Pride isn’t so bad after all. I’m not saying that there’s not a part of your ego that should be surrendered in order for you to heal and evolve further, but it is the human being, with all the vulnerabilities and pain he/she had to accept in order to be a proper vessel, that should be cherished – not idolised, but deeply cherished – for doing this service to the world. I love you and thank you for doing so. Not the Divine in all its greatness. You.

  19. Ro Rainwater

    The thing that stepped out clearly from your post is that you’re not really resisting the Divine, you’re resisting the ego, which you have also named. This is giving your power to the ego, so it comes and goes whenever it wants, because you expect it; you fight it; you resist it. Me, I’d take its name away from it; I’d stop fighting with it, thereby diminishing resistance. When it shows up, stop giving it your focused attention. Yes, you’re going to know it’s “there”, but that doesn’t mean you have to focus on it. It’ll make a lot of noise to get your attention, and every time you notice that you’re focused on it again, take your attention to something that gives you a feeling of relief. Baby steps. Just go for relief, not the full magilla of total bliss (so to speak). It gets easier and easier. Trust in that. Best of luck, Ro Rainwater

  20. Charlene Crane

    Helping our bodies in catching up with the higher vibration at which we’re trying to operate is tricky business indeed sometimes. Business, that is, as in quite the balancing act. While I certainly can’t claim to have mastered
    continual nonresistance, or to have steadily avoided the tendency
    towards spiritual arrogance or lapsing into ego floundering states, I
    do viscerally understand the challenge in keeping the
    ‘altimeter gauge’ directing one’s life ‘plane’ consistently tuned and
    calibrated for cruising at high
    altitude. Wavering towards lower vibrational fields, taking one’s self
    off of the intergalactic, spiritually rich sky ways and cosmic
    revelation highways, sinking into the more
    comfortable and familiar modes of operation, even if it’s also often
    downright painful and
    doesn’t ultimately serve our evolutionary trajectory one bit, seems part
    and parcel of assimilating old lessons in integrating our human Earthly
    beingness with our cosmic non-embodied spiritual essence. More
    frequent moments of sweet illumination, essential cosmic and earthly
    experience integration, clear confirmations of intuitive hunches let me
    personally know that, while I’m not continually fully surrendered to the
    Divine, I’m on a pretty solidly forward moving track.

    And yet, that said, I definitely resist the
    flow of connection to The All on a regular basis (Every day last week,
    the end of day thought was: Yes, Guides, I’ll do as you recommend and
    I’ll get up
    early and do an hour of yoga asanas. Did I follow through? Naaaaaa.
    Did I
    lie around on my trigger point releasing tennis balls and space out with
    the cats? Uuum hmmm. Did that qualify as some restorative yoga?
    Perhaps. The actual strengthening and flexibility enhancing type yoga
    that I sense would greatly benefit my stamina and energy?
    Still workin’ on it!). May we all continue to uplift one another and
    keep the hope, faith and positivity alive as we support the
    transformation of Earth’s energetic field and of the folks who are in
    need of returning to a state of vigorous health and high function.

    Here is someone whose writings have profoundly helped me and who I
    believe is a kindred spirit for you and a sister in transformational and
    life coaching work..

    Here is a fabulous resource that’s helped me get out of my own way and let my Larger Self take the wheel..

    “We’re all angels to each other.” Thank you, Lissa, for the gift you are in my life.
    image to accompany this seed thought: https://divineopenings.com/spiritual-healing-share

    Hugs and Cheering you on from the other side of the pilot light beam,
    High Vibes!
    Your elder ‘wise one’

  21. Catherine

    Woooooooow!! I am a few steps behind you dear Lissa, so all I want to do is thank you. When the student is ready, the teacher appears, right? I always seem to just stumble upon a blog exactly when I need it. I deaply appreciated your words here. Thank you for sharing!

  22. Gemma Munro

    Bless you, Lissa Rankin. I am going through EXACTLY this at the moment (although my ego is not known as Victoria – but she has similar me-me-me-me tendencies). I have been struggling with falling back into my ego-driven comfort zone – your article was ever so helpful. Many thanks.

  23. Natalie Smith

    Lissa… two questions kept coming up for me in your post… what if Victoria doesn’t even exist in the first place? What if this is a story you have told yourself and now just believe to be true?

    A lady, whom I consider to be very wise once said to me… ‘Nat one day you will come to realise that the ego never existed.’

    This made no sense to me at the time and I sat with his statement for years… every now and then it would pop up and I would ask myself the question. It felt strangely true but my mind could not comprehend it (obviously!)

    More and more these days I feel the truth of this statement… the ego is still us, it is just parts of us that are unconscious still. Not good or bad, just unconscious… and still part of the Oneness. The desire to name it, somehow fight it, make it separate, or make out like it has some power over us is simply not true. It is a story we believe to be true.

    My other question that I have for you is, how do you know there are higher and lower vibrations? Is this true? Or is this a story you have bought into? Ask yourself how you feel about this notion, rather than believing what you may have read or heard from another.

    One thing I have been doing alot of lately, since I have been in the spiritual community for about 10 years now, is ‘How do I feel about X?’ I have come to realise that I have taken on so many teachings and ideas of everyone around me, marvellous teachers indeed, but eventually I need to know if those teachings and notions are actually true for ME. Do I ‘know’ them to be true for me? In your case it maybe about asking ‘How do I feel about the ego?’ not just taking on others peoples ideas on it.

    Have fun with it all… it is just a game after all! 😀

    Nat Smith

    Co-Publisher of Into-Me-I-See magazine

  24. Natalie Smith

    Hi again..

    It just came to me to share a video interview we did just recently with International Speaker Amir Zoghi. I will definitely give you a different perspective on the ego and living authentcally as You. Awesome points Amir makes in this. Definitely worth a watch…


    Love Nat

  25. Sarah Haykel

    You know Lissa, I want to share with you a recent experience I had last week. My old self, the old way let me go. I was in a coaching session and I could feel that it was letting me go. “Go on now. Go now,” I heard it say inside myself.

    And it left me.

    I know the idea of “letting go” completely and being an “open source channel” or a “pure source channel” as I like to call it. It means letting go of EVERYTHING! No more fighting, no more “me me me”. It just all IS.

    It is so easy and effortless and so selfless and love is here. Then there is this part of me that goes into those old modes again: what about me, why didn’t they, how could I, etc., etc.

    The other day I just noticed this, decided I had a choice, and chose, differently. The other route, the new way.

    I am inspired by what you have written here. Wow, a WHOLE DAY of writing. Sounds AMAAAAZING! i will be spending more days writing now : )

    Love, Sarah Haykel

  26. Jodie Thompson

    I resist. And now I’m aware that I resist. In fact I think I have a bit of an addiction to the resistance (or maybe just to the wine 🙂

    It turns out that after some self inquiry I’m actually afraid of love, so that’s me – I’m afraid of who I really am, of giving and receiving love and especially of being love. Love is powerful, vulnerability is powerful – I resonate with those terms hugely, so maybe it’s power I’m afraid of? Either way, I choose to surrender from now on. I will not judge myself or beat myself up if I do feel like numbing my power with a glass or two of wine – this is the awareness game that I’m now playing. And the more aware I become, the more the resistance will dissolve – that I can sense fully.

    Thank you Lissa for the creative dialogue – it’s great to not feel alone in that sort of ‘deemed’ insanity


  27. Jesje

    Thank you Lissa, for writing about this resistance! I was looking forward to the post when you announced it last week… and it certainly feels familiar. I have been opening up to sharing thoughts and stories with animals , plants sometimes, even young children from friends of mine and once even a 12 year old kid who couldn’t talk (he was very funny and I could see in his eyes he knew I got his joke…)… Writing this list makes me lift an eyebrow and think ‘yeah, right’ to myself even, so telling people around me about it takes time, trust and courage and often I keep it to myself.

    While I hope I could help the world around me (and I’m assured by ‘spirit’ I already am) I’m not sure how I can do more, reach out more…. sometimes I have whole conversations with my cat and most of the time I shut the door in my head without choosing to do so, and that makes me sad.

    But, life comes as it does and I can’t push the river ;), so I’ll make the best of every day and won’t beat myself up about it….
    You have a great year, and I will too!

  28. Vera

    Totally. To all of this. What I have trouble reconciling is being one with the divine while maintaining free will. Does free will = ego? Or are they different? How does one choose his or her own path while still maintaining that strong connection to the support and love of the universe? I am having a hard time believing that God wants us all to come here and not learn how to chart our own paths. Where’s the balance…?

  29. Janet

    Hi Lissa

    Thank you for all you share. I am scouring your works trying to find a reference you made recently to a poem. It was in regard to the sun rising every day and never asking for gratitude. Help me re-find. It is something I want to share with my children.

  30. Donna Workman

    You just gave me a glimpse into my net new phase. I am still at the point where my divine spiritual self is only emerging in small glimpses. I find I am quite terrified at the prospect of those around me realizing and recognizing that I seem to be seeing the world through different eyes. In 2013 I am reaching into my fear of self to putting my idvine self out there for those I truly love to see…and hopefully accept. I am moving, as Martha Beck would say one tiny baby step at a time.
    I truly admire your vulnerability, and it is giving me hope for my own. Here is to 2013…my emergence and your acceptance. I appreciate the guidance, hoesty and divinty of the journey we share
    Love in all things(wow) not sure where that came from)divine flame?)

  31. Emma French

    Have you tried treating Victoria like an inner child who just wants some love? Maybe when she gets boisterous you could ask her what she needs, and visualise giving her a cuddle in your lap while your Inner Pilot Light showers her with love and praise and magic and see what happens…


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